Not so long ago I was a medical student sitting in grand round (for those of you who don’t know it’s where doctors discuss interesting cases or present research for discussion). I’m gonna be honest with you. I was there for the free food, but every week it would actually be quite interesting and I would pick up a bit of medical knowledge along with a sandwhich. Happy Salma.
As with any hospital lots of doctors means lots of bleeps and there would always be an F1 (first years of being a doctor in the UK) being bleeped. And I would always be so jealous. “Look at that F1, they’re so important. They have to go and save lives. I want that!”
As a F1 now the idea that I would ever be jealous of a bleep seems ludicrous. Jelous of someones bag yes. Bleep no. I have been know to talk to my bleep.
“Why do you hate me?”
“Why won’t you leave me alone”
“Why don’t you let me eat?”
And it’s often not about saving lives- it can be, but not always. My favourite bleep, which my colleague got a night shift was because a patient wasn’t happy with the quality of the mattress. At 4am. I laughed so hard that I was crying when I heard this.
Now that I’m the F1 I can see the bad stuff that I was ignorant to before. Stuff that I kind of had an idea of but not really. And it has made me really moany. At least on the inside. I’m always messaging my sister or sending her a sarcastic selfies with the hashtag #lovinglife.
It’s like I got a badge with the title Dr, had some tough days at work and then got amnesia about how hard I worked to get here.
Today I did a ward round on my own. It’s not rocket science but since moving from Surgery to Medicine it was the first time. And I did it. I made diagnoses and started management plans. When a patient got sick I managed it.
I was pushing the blood trolly back to the clean utility and for the first time in F1 it struck me that I was actually doing it. I was being a doctor. I was doing that thing that I worked so hard for and wanted so badly. I got it. And here I was wasting so much time and energy complaining about some of the bad stuff.
A conversation with my fave person, my mum gave me a bit more perspective. At the end of the conversation she said “beta (daughter) eat good, exercise, pray everyday and be grateful for what you have”.This woman is full of this type of chat, she is the best. Anyway, it really struck a cord with me. Especailly the part about being grateful.
Here I am with exactly what I wanted and I complain about it.
It’s almost like a habit. And such a terrible one.
I have decided to write a journal of 3 things I am grateful for everyday and it’s harder than you might think. As I spend so much time at work, it will also include stuff at work or will have to. I will have to dig deep at times.
Today it was the pharmacist who got me a hot chocolate (thanks Maria), my mums pep talk and my friends dad offering to make me food.
Life can be busy and it can be hard to see the wood from the trees. But every so often it’s good to take a step back and count how much you do have instead of complaining about what is wrong.
It’s the only way to have more! And doing the other thing of constantly winging isn’t the way to go.Trust me, I have been there. You will bore yourself after a while.
Thanks for reading, Salma xxxxx